I thought my eyes were closed, but I was actually just staring into the darkness. Inside that darkness, somehow I found the match I was looking for and lit a candle. I had thought I would be afraid to see, yet I cannot hide the faint smile at the corner of my lips. I believed I would freeze because I feared I would never warm up again, but even the tiny flame of the candle was enough to warm me.

To be able to leave is the greatest blessing. No matter the reason, leaving is a hope all on its own. I am not talking about going from one place to another in real life, whatever real life is anymore… Everything we have experienced and seen has already come and gone. I do not agree with the idea that “there is no past and no future, there is only now” and I say: There is only the past. If we process everything we touch, see, smell, hear, and taste in our minds with a delay, how can we speak of an absolute reality? I suppose it would be much more consistent to express everything we tell using the past tense.

In essence, I am actually on a journey. I pass from one room to another with the candle in my hand. My heart is pounding, while one part of me churns with fear, the other burns with curiosity. Could we call curiosity and fear the 1 and 0 of a human being? For instance, does a baby cry simply because it is hungry, or because it fears the food will not come? Or do we live this life purely out of curiosity, fully aware that we will die in the end?

I will think about this for a long time, but that is not our topic right now. Frankly, I do not even know what our current topic is either. Anyway, I am going to sleep.