How much can a person truly live with another without first becoming whole with themselves?

“Living together” is generally defined as two or more people uniting as one. Yet in my view, the most crucial prerequisite for living in harmony with others is a person’s ability to first unite with themselves.

Our self is not a single, monolithic entity. Within us speak countless voices fed by different sources, each striving for control. The most critical threshold lies in realizing that these voices are not “me.” The true self is the observer, the one who notices and listens. After all, we do not act on every passing impulse or thought. At least, I hope that is the case.

However, if we have mistaken those internal voices for our authentic self for years, falling into deep emotional and mental confusion becomes inevitable: “What do I truly want?”

This is why, while searching for an answer to “How do we live together?”, I prefer to step back and look at the foundation. Before asking how we can stand side by side with others, I believe we must pause and address a more fundamental question: How does a person live with themselves?

A person who can live with themselves is not merely one who makes peace with their “good” or “bright” sides. They are someone who accepts their shadows, heartbreaks, and inner darkness without rejection, creating a sense of harmony among them all. Living with yourself does not mean reaching perfection; it means becoming the master of your own contradictions.

As Carl Jung put it, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

An individual who does not run from their own shadow, but instead sits down to converse with it, gains the capacity to bear the darkness in others. Cultivating harmony within oneself is the first and most necessary step toward any lasting harmony with the world outside.